Divorce

 

Many different emotions arise when going through a divorce or ending a love relationship.  You may have mixed emotions, even if you know that ending the relationship was the best solution and regardless of who initiated the divorce.

Good times are remembered, bad times may cause anger and hurt.  It is normal to experience feelings of sadness, loneliness, and fear of the changes ahead.

You may feel vulnerable or feel you have failed. Feelings of rejection are common. 

Guilt is a strong emotion which often surfaces especially if you were the one who initiated the divorce. Everyone will have different reactions at different times. 

Divorce, or loss of a relationship, is often experienced in the same way as a death.  There are stages of mourning that one goes through, from denial to acceptance.

These stages move back and forth until one begins to heal and feel hopeful. You may first experience shock, fear, and numbness.  You may question how you will go on alone, even if you have children with you.  It is normal to go to the early stage of grieving - bargaining – telling yourself that if you had another chance you would make the marriage work.  You may be obsessing about your ex-partner.  Blaming and anger are emotions which may keep repeating.

 

Change can be difficult; can cause anxiety, depression, and feelings of being isolated.  Many of your daily activities will change.  Regardless of who wanted the divorce or if it was by mutual agreement, a roller coaster of emotions often occurs leaving one feeling afraid, alone, and vulnerable.

 

How Therapy Can Help

 

Therapy provides a safe, confidential environment where you can express your feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, resentment, or relief.  A therapist will work with you to achieve a new perspective and a plan for your future. You may be feeling empty and viewing the changes as scary and unimaginable.   Being alone does not have to mean loneliness. Therapy can help you understand some of your choices.

If you have children, your therapist can help you so they can also make the necessary changes and adjustments that the divorce will cause. You can learn how to explain divorce to children and some of the normal reactions you can expect them to have.

You may need to learn coping skills and strategies to prepare for the next stage in your life.  You do not have to be alone during this process.  You do not always have to pretend that everything is ok. Divorce counseling can also be effective for the couple facing separation.  Ideas and plans can be made so that each partner will be able to work with the other with a lesser degree of hostility and manage such issues as finances, child custody, living arrangements, and other issues which may arise from marriage dissolution.

 

Whether you attend therapy as a couple, or more commonly, as an individual, you can get help.  You can enter the stage of acceptance as a self-reliant person experiencing a challenging and difficult situation.